“Why do they need a parade?”
Talking to your loved ones about Pride
I don’t know about you, but there is one question I get asked the most at this time of year. It usually goes something like this:
I don’t care who you love, who you marry, how you dress, or what you call yourself. You do what you want and I’ll respect it. I just don’t understand why you have to flaunt it everywhere and stick it in our faces? There are lots of groups that don’t get recognised. Why do you need a parade?
First, let me tell you what hurts about this comment. It has to do with the accusation that I am “flaunting”. I’ve been accused of flaunting by wearing buttons on my denim jacket, or identifying as bisexual in a sermon. When I wear my wedding ring, or announce my wedding anniversary on Facebook, I don’t get accused of sticking my straight-passing marriage to a man in people’s faces. Yet, when I submit a personal bio that simply states I am bisexual, that line gets erased while the line about my being married stays in place. There are many places I cause controversy just by being present.
Having said that, I also understand the genuine confusion that lies behind this question, “Why do you need a parade?” So I’m going to answer it as best I can. It might not convince those most ardently opposed to Pride, but it might help Grandpa feel a little better about your Pride parade Facebook pictures.
Visibility keeps me safer: For me, this is the primary reason for parades. How does a big party with lots of alcohol and, let's be honest, drugs, keep me safe? The more visible the LGBTQ+ community is, the easier it is for us to get much needed protections and support from our neighbours and our governments. For decades, because so many of us were in the closet, our charter/civil rights were violated. We were subjected to home invasions and humiliating interrogations by police, even employers. We were blackmailed out of fear of being “outed,” kicked out of our family homes, and subjected to acts of violence with no accountability. In fact, we were often blamed for the violence because we were, you guessed it, “flaunting” our sexuality just by living our lives.
We still face violence more than cis-straight people. Hate crimes in Canada increased four-fold between 2013 and 2023. Crimes motivated by hate against race and religion make up 70% of those crimes. Crimes motivated by sexual orientation, sex, or gender make up 20% of hate crimes in 2023, and have increased 500% since 2013.* And, yet, we were more in danger when we were forced to live in the closet.
The protections and freedoms the LGBTQ+ community has today were secured by queer folks who publicly fought for their rights, often at great personal cost. Visibility brings wider acceptance, which leads to necessary protections of our safety and our rights.
To remember: I lived in Toronto’s Gay Village for 5 years. It is a beautiful, colourful, warm, neighbourly, downtown neighbourhood, and home to Toronto’s Pride Parade. It is also full of ghosts. I notice it in a missing generation, mostly men, who died in the AIDS epidemic that went largely ignored and vilified by society and the medical establishment because it was infecting gay men. When I walk by the friendly pubs I remember Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, the transgender bisexual women of colour who are the faces of the 1969 Stonewall Uprising in New York. Stonewall was the start of the Pride parade as we know it today. We march to remember that we stand on the shoulders of big, gorgeous, flaming giants.
To raise up other communities who get ignored: In this case, Grandpa is right. There are lots of groups who don’t get the privilege of shutting down Canada’s downtowns for a day so they can have a big street party all about them. Pride organisations are not perfect in this regard, but there are significant efforts in Pride events to increase visibility and accessibility for other communities also facing systemic prejudice: racialised communities, immigrant communities, Indigenous communities, and disability communities, for example. If Pride can set a standard of acceptance, then other communities should be granted the same privileges. Many Pride organisations invest deeply in this kind of solidarity.
To exhibit the beauty of human diversity and creativity: Living beings are extraordinary. God made us trans, queer, straight, poly, disabled, and so much more. Not only that, God’s love in us gives us the capacity to love others who are so different from ourselves. At a Pride parade, you don’t just see the queers. You see schools, churches, political parties, local businesses, and police officers wearing rainbow armbands. You hear so much great music, even music Grandpa knows. The flags, banners, costumes, dances, and floats are magnificent works of art.
To celebrate and have fun: The right to exist means the right to enjoy yourself without having to justify it. You don’t have to come to a Pride parade for the above reasons. You can just come to watch, dress up, march, dance, and have a great time!
If you have never been to Pride, I encourage you to attend in whatever way allows you to feel comfortable and safe. You can join your workplace and march with co-workers. You can join the crowds, or try finding a spot at the beginning of the route which is usually quieter. If a parade isn’t your thing, Pride festivities are more than the parade. There are kid-friendly events, concerts, movie screenings, and lots and lots of events put on by local businesses and organisations.
You can even bring Grandpa.
How do you answer this question, or other awkward questions from your loved ones? I’d love to know. Drop me a line and let’s talk.
* Government of Canada, Statistics Canada. ‘Police-Reported Hate Crime in Canada, 2023’. The Daily, 25 March 2025. See also: Government of Canada, Statistics Canada. ‘Infographic: Police-Reported Hate Crime in Canada, 2023’. The Daily, 25 March 2025.
