Building the village
Since becoming a mom, I have often heard the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” That saying, which implies that raising kids takes a lot of hands, lots of help, and is essentially something meant to be done in community, is both motivating and defeating. The village, a community that centers communalism over individualism—and a universal human phenomenon developed independently by indigenous peoples across the globe—is something to marvel at.
It’s fascinating.
I see people both craving and willing to be the village, while also being crippled by individualism and the “do it myself” culture.
The myth of individualism is that if I “do it myself” I won’t burden others and will be self-sufficient. This mentality can spur awesome problem-solving and skill development. And yet the shadow side of individualism often leaves folks burnt out, isolated, constantly feeling like they need to operate at 100%.
On the other hand there is the alternative of the village, the opportunity for communalism. In the village, people are willing to both show up for one another and receive from one another. There is a humility in this approach that breathes I have something to give and I have something to receive, to be helped with. None of us can do it all.
In my own life, one of the things that is tuckering me out is all the food I make and prepare for my family. I texted this to Jessie, one of my best friends and fellow mom of two, who has been such a dear villager for our family: “I am dreaming of a rhythm where we trade off hosting dinner.” She immediately replied, “Let’s try it!” Then she shared, “We’ve been doing a meal every Monday with some other families, and it has been so sweet! So casual. More and more I feel like ‘tribe’ lifestyle is how we need to be existing. We all just bring a dish for the meal, and it feels so easy.”
One of the most rewarding lessons I have learned from communal ways of living is that they beckon us to practice mutuality. To be the village requires me to be inconvenienced, to roll up my sleeves and show up for others, even when I don’t want to. And to be the village means to recognize my limits and reach out for help, even when I don’t want to or am embarrassed to.
In our more individualistic, capitalistic, and tech-saturated Western societies, the village doesn’t just happen organically like it has in other places and times in human history. We have to intentionally practice this alternative way. The way that breathes into the souls of each of us: We are in it together.
